Building Trust & Opening the Group

The physics of contact improv are easy. The trust is the hard part.

Here is the problem every CI facilitator eventually hits: the form doesn't work on strangers. You can teach the mechanics of counterbalance flawlessly, and the room will still dance stiffly, giving each other five percent of their weight, because nobody has actually met anybody. Weight-trust is downstream of relational trust. You cannot skip the meeting.

This chapter borrows the missing piece from Authentic Relating (AR) — a body of relational practice built precisely to help people drop pretense and see each other quickly and safely. Practices like noticing, eye-gazing, and honest sharing are not soft add-ons; they are a remarkably effective on-ramp to the trust that CI requires. This chapter explains the bridge and gives you a set of relational games designed to interleave directly with the CI games in Chapter 8.

The two trusts

It helps to name that a CI group needs two distinct kinds of trust, and that they build in order:

1. Relational trust — "I am seen, I am safe, I will not be judged or grabbed at. This person is present with me." Built through attention, honesty, and consent. This must come first.
2. Weight trust — "I can give this body my physical weight and it will meet me responsibly." Built through graduated contact (the load ladder in Chapter 4).

Most facilitation failures are an attempt to build #2 without #1. A room that won't commit its weight is usually not being timid about physics — it's being honest that it hasn't yet been met. Feed the group relational trust and the weight follows almost on its own.

What Authentic Relating brings

AR is a practice of relating to others with honesty, presence, and care — usually through structured "games" (hence the Authentic Relating Games Manual, compiled by Sara Ness and Authentic Revolution — this book's structural cousin and an acknowledged debt). At the center of ART's (Authentic Relating Training's) curriculum are the Five Practices. They are ART's framework, not this book's, and they map onto CI with almost eerie precision — each relational practice has a direct physical analog on the dance floor:

The gift of teaching these relationally first — in words and eye contact, before any weight — is that when the group moves to contact, the vocabulary is already in their bodies. "Assume nothing" learned through eye-gazing becomes "follow the point of contact" learned through skin: in both cases you are finding out what is actually there instead of dancing your idea of it. You are teaching the same five things twice, in two languages.

(One neighbouring idea worth borrowing: Circling — a closely related practice, and one of AR's roots — names being with the other in their world as a core principle. It isn't one of ART's five, but it names the same move a CI dancer makes when they stop steering and start following.)

The arc of opening

Trust opens in a reliable sequence. Move a group through these three doorways, in order, and resistance melts. Skip a doorway and the group snags on it.

   SELF  ──►  OTHER  ──►  CONTACT
 arrive in   see and be    share weight
  your own   seen by       through the
    body      another        body
 (presence)  (attunement)   (trust in
                             motion)

1. Self — land in your own body and honesty first. You cannot be present with someone until you are present at all. (AR: reveal / own your experience. CI: the small dance.)
2. Other — turn attention outward: notice, gaze, attune. Be seen and see. This is where strangers become people. (AR: assume nothing. CI: listening through the skin.)
3. Contact — only now does physical weight-sharing land on prepared ground. (AR: honor self and other. CI: give and take weight.)

Every session should walk this arc, and the relational games below live mostly in the first two doorways — they are what you run before and between the CI games to keep the group opening.

The Relational Games

Twelve relational games, in the same card format as Chapter 8. They are tagged on the same difficulty ladder, but note: here "difficulty" means relational exposure — how vulnerable the game asks people to be — not physical skill. Each card ends with PAIRS WITH, naming the CI game(s) it best sets up.

The first eight (R1–R8) walk the general arc of opening. The last four (R9–R12) go deeper into two specific capacities CI leans on hardest: trust (R9–R10) and non-verbal communication (R11–R12).

R1. The Noticing · [Tier ① Arriving]

Players: 2–10 · Time: 5–8 min · Exposure: low

PURPOSE — Builds the single most foundational AR muscle: present-moment noticing, spoken plainly. Trains dancers to report what's actually here (sensation, not story) — the exact skill they'll later need through touch. Lands the group in the present.

SETUP — Pairs facing, or a circle. Seated.

PLAY 1. "We're going to practice noticing out loud. A notice is simple and present-tense: 'I notice my shoulders are tight.' 'I notice I'm a little nervous.' 'I notice the light on the floor.'" 2. "No stories, no explanations, no fixing. Just: 'I notice ___.' Trade back and forth with your partner." 3. Let it run 3–4 minutes. Then: "Now include noticing about being here, with this person: 'I notice I want to look away.' 'I notice I'm smiling.'"

CUES — "Present tense." · "Sensation, not story." · "There's no wrong notice."

VARIATIONS - Easier: notice only physical sensations. - Deeper: notice what arises between you — the beginning of relational honesty.

DEBRIEF — "What was it like to say something true and simple out loud? What did you notice you were tempted to hide?"

WATCH FOR — People will editorialize ("I notice you seem nice") — gently redirect to their own experience ("I notice I feel warm toward you"). Keeps it honest and owned.

PAIRS WITH — Body Weather Report (#3) as a warm-up pair; sets up Listening Hands (#7) — noticing in words becomes noticing through the palm.

R2. Eye-Gazing · [Tier ② Warming]

Players: 2 · Time: 6–10 min · Exposure: medium

PURPOSE — The quintessential AR practice and a near-perfect CI primer. Two people simply see and are seen. It builds the capacity to stay in contact — here through the eyes — through the discomfort of intimacy, which is precisely the muscle a CI duet needs. The eyes become the first "point of contact."

SETUP — Pairs sitting comfortably, facing, close enough to see each other's eyes clearly. Soft or no music.

PLAY 1. "For the next few minutes, simply look into your partner's eyes. Pick one eye if it's easier. There's nothing to do, nothing to perform. Just be seen, and see." 2. "You'll feel the urge to laugh, look away, make a face. That's normal. When it comes, just notice it — and, if you can, stay." 3. Hold 2–3 minutes in silence, and let the room ask for longer if it wants it. Warn before you start that it will feel long, and that's the point. 4. Close gently: "Let your eyes soften and take in the whole person. Take a breath together."

CUES — "Nothing to perform." · "Let yourself be seen." · "The urge to look away is the work — stay if you can."

VARIATIONS - Easier: shorter (90 seconds); permission to blink/soften freely. - Deeper: add one round of The Noticing (R1) while gazing — "I notice I want to look away… I notice I feel met." - Bridge to CI: end the gaze by adding a single point of physical contact (palm to palm) and continue — eyes plus touch.

DEBRIEF — "What happened in your body during the gaze? Did something shift from awkward to okay? What did you see?"

WATCH FOR — Genuinely intense for many people, and opting out must be completely ordinary — anyone can soften, shorten, or sit out.

Never force sustained eye contact. For some autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people this is not a preference: brain-imaging work shows that being required to look at the eyes drives an over-active threat response, and many autistic people describe it as physically painful. Looking away often helps them listen better. So offer the bridge of the nose, the mouth, a shoulder, or sitting side-by-side with eyes closed as equal options, not consolation prizes — and never frame looking away as avoidance.

Also know what you're switching on. In a classic experiment, just two minutes of unbroken mutual gaze between strangers significantly raised self-reported feelings of romantic attraction. Three to five minutes of it, immediately before people start sharing weight, is a strong dose. Name it in advance — "this can manufacture a sense of intimacy quite fast; that's the exercise working on your nervous system, not an obligation to each other" — and pair it with the consent norms in Chapter 4.

PAIRS WITH — Set directly before Follow the Breath (#5) or The Mirror Hand (#4). Eye-gazing + The Mirror Hand is a superb sequence: seen, then followed.

R3. Yes / No / Maybe · [Tier ① Arriving]

Players: 2 · Time: 6–8 min · Exposure: low–medium

PURPOSE — Trains the consent muscle relationally and playfully before it matters physically. Dancers rehearse giving a clear, cost-free "no" and feeling that it's genuinely welcome — the exact agreement that makes weight-sharing safe.

SETUP — Pairs facing.

PLAY 1. "Partner A asks simple yes/no questions: 'Can I take a step toward you?' 'Can I put my hand on your shoulder?' 'Can I make a silly face at you?'" 2. "Partner B answers honestly — yes, no, or maybe — and A completely honors the answer, including every no." 3. "Bs: practice saying no to something you'd actually say yes to, just to feel it. As: practice receiving a no with a genuine 'thank you.'" 4. Switch roles. Escalate gently toward contact-relevant asks: "Can I lean a little weight on you?"

CUES — "A no is a gift." · "Thank every answer." · "Honesty over politeness."

VARIATIONS - Easier: keep asks non-physical. - Deeper: add "maybe — ask me differently," teaching negotiation.

DEBRIEF — "Which was harder — saying no, or hearing it? What makes a no feel safe to give?"

WATCH FOR — The whole point is that no costs nothing. If you see someone flinch at a no, name it warmly for the room: "That's the muscle — a no that lands as a gift."

PAIRS WITH — The perfect precursor to Give Me a Pound (#6) and any weight-sharing. Run this the first time a group moves toward real contact.

R4. The Ask · [Tier ② Warming]

Players: 2 · Time: 6–8 min · Exposure: medium

PURPOSE — Teaches dancers to ask for what they want in contact — a skill most people find harder than consenting. Dissolves the passivity that makes CI duets vague, and builds the honesty (AR: reveal your experience) that makes them alive.

SETUP — Pairs.

PLAY 1. "Take turns asking for a kind of contact you'd genuinely like: 'I'd love to lean back-to-back.' 'Could I rest my head on your shoulder?' 'I'd like you to press on my upper back.'" 2. "Partner responds with a real yes or no. If yes, do it, briefly. If no, the asker says 'thank you' and asks for something else." 3. "Notice what it's like to want something and say so out loud."

CUES — "Ask for the real thing." · "Wanting is allowed." · "A clear ask is a gift to your partner."

VARIATIONS - Easier: choose from a menu of asks you offer. - Deeper: ask for something you're slightly nervous to want.

DEBRIEF — "What did you discover you wanted? Was it easier to ask, or to be asked?"

WATCH FOR — Keep asks within the room's consent norms (Chapter 4). This can get intimate — reassert that asks are about the dance, and every no is honored.

PAIRS WITH — Sets up Give and Take (#14) beautifully — the asking becomes wordless. Also a strong bridge into open jamming, where reading and offering desire is everything.

R5. Attunement Dyads · [Tier ② Warming]

Players: 2 · Time: 8 min · Exposure: medium

PURPOSE — Bridges being-with into the body. Partners synchronize without touch, training the outward attention — Circling's being with the other in their world, ART's assume nothing — that becomes following the point of contact. The direct relational rehearsal for CI attunement.

SETUP — Pairs standing or seated, facing, no contact.

PLAY 1. "Match your partner's breathing — just watch and let your breath find theirs." 2. "Now let subtle movement in: as one of you sways, the other matches, mirror-like, without a designated leader." 3. "See if you can tell who's initiating. Aim for the place where you can't — where you're simply moving as one attuned system."

CUES — "Feel them, not your plan." · "Let leadership blur." · "Attune, don't copy."

VARIATIONS - Easier: breath-matching only. - Deeper: eyes closed after establishing the link — attune by sound and sense alone.

DEBRIEF — "When did the two of you become one system? What did you have to let go of to attune?"

WATCH FOR — Some will 'perform' synchrony rather than feel it. Slow them down; real attunement is quiet.

PAIRS WITH — Flows straight into The Mirror Hand (#4) and Listening Hands (#7). This is the relational twin of the CI attunement games.

R6. Two Truths in the Body · [Tier ② Warming]

Players: 2 · Time: 8–10 min · Exposure: medium

PURPOSE — Lightweight honest sharing that surfaces the actual human behind the dancer, fast. When people know one true thing about each other, weight-trust jumps. Builds AR's transparency in a contained, safe dose.

SETUP — Pairs, seated close.

PLAY 1. "Share, briefly and honestly: one thing that makes it easy for you to trust someone, and one thing that makes it hard." 2. Partner simply receives — no advice, no fixing — and says "thank you." 3. Switch. Then: "Share one thing you're a little nervous about in dancing close today." Receive. Switch.

CUES — "Brief and true beats long and polished." · "Just receive — don't fix." · "You choose your own depth."

VARIATIONS - Easier: lighter prompts ("one thing you love about moving"). - Deeper: "one way I protect myself that I'd like to soften today."

DEBRIEF — Usually none needed — the sharing is the connection. Optionally: "How does it change dancing with someone once you know something true about them?"

WATCH FOR — You are not running group therapy (Chapter 4). Keep prompts contained; model brevity; let anyone pass. Depth is invited, never required.

PAIRS WITH — Run before any Tier ③+ weight-sharing where real trust is the bottleneck. Especially good before re-partnering into The Counterbalance (#13).

R7. The Gazing Duet · [Tier ③ Rolling]

Players: 2 · Time: 10–12 min · Exposure: high

PURPOSE — The full fusion of AR and CI: a moving contact duet in which partners maintain eye contact throughout. Radically deepens presence and trust, and reveals how much dancers hide by looking away. Advanced relational exposure.

SETUP — Experienced-enough pairs, warm. Space. Do only once eye-gazing (R2) and basic duets (#12) are comfortable.

PLAY 1. "Begin a slow contact duet — one point of contact, rolling — and keep meeting each other's eyes as much as you can." 2. "When the dance pulls your gaze away, that's fine — keep returning to the eyes." 3. "Notice: the dance is now happening in two channels at once — skin and gaze. Let them inform each other."

CUES — "Two channels: skin and eyes." · "Return to the gaze." · "Let yourself be seen while you move."

VARIATIONS - Easier: gaze during still/slow moments only; release it when moving. - Deeper: sustain gaze through weight-sharing and level changes.

DEBRIEF — "How did keeping eye contact change the dance? What became harder to hide?"

WATCH FOR — High intimacy — this one can get charged fast. Reassert consent norms first (Chapter 4); make releasing the gaze always okay; keep it optional. Not for a brand-new or wary group.

PAIRS WITH — A deepening layer over Rolling Point Duets (#12) and Give and Take (#14).

R8. The Appreciation Circle · [Tier ① Arriving]

Players: 3–10 · Time: 6–10 min · Exposure: low–medium

PURPOSE — A closing practice that lands the group's connection in words and sends people out warmed rather than raw. Completes the relational arc; strengthens the container for next time.

SETUP — Circle, standing or seated, at the end of a session.

PLAY 1. "Let's close by appreciating. You can appreciate a specific person — 'Sam, I appreciated how gently you caught my weight' — or the group, or yourself." 2. "Keep it specific and true. Anyone can pass." 3. Let it pop popcorn-style (no set order) until it naturally completes.

CUES — "Specific beats general." · "Yourself counts." · "Passing is fine."

VARIATIONS - Easier: one word of appreciation each, around the circle. - Deeper: appreciate a moment of trust someone gave you.

DEBRIEF — none — this is the close.

WATCH FOR — Keep it from becoming a performance of niceness; specific and honest is the standard. Protect the time — don't let a great jam eat the close (Chapter 6).

PAIRS WITH — Any session close; the relational counterpart to coming back to The Small Dance (#1).

Going deeper: trust (R9–R10)

A word on trust exercises. You may have heard that trust falls don't work. That critique is largely fair — and largely about a different exercise. The classic one-shot backward drop is a symbol of trust: the evidence is that symbolic trust doesn't transfer to real life, fades fast, and has sent enough people to hospital that most organisations dropped it. What follows is not that. R9 is graduated, entirely faller-controlled, and the trust it builds isn't a metaphor for anything — leaning your weight into a partner is the skill CI needs. Keep those three properties — small increments, the faller setting the pace, real reversibility — and you keep the value while leaving the critique behind.

R9. The Trust Lean · [Tier ② Warming]

Players: 2 · Time: 8–10 min · Exposure: medium

PURPOSE — A graduated lean-and-catch that builds physical trust directly and consciously — the bridge between relational trust and weight trust. Dancers learn, in small increments, that a partner will reliably meet their falling weight.

SETUP — Pairs. One stands behind, ready and braced; one stands in front, feet planted, ready to be caught. Warm bodies.

PLAY 1. "Faller: keep your body long and your feet planted, and lean back just a few inches. Catcher: meet them with steady hands on the shoulder blades and return them upright." 2. "Grow it slowly — a little more lean each time — only as far as the faller asks for. The faller sets the pace, entirely." 3. "Catcher: be utterly reliable and predictable. Faller: notice the exact moment you decide to trust." 4. Switch roles. Optionally add a soft verbal check — "more?" "good there."

CUES — "The faller sets the depth." · "Catcher: boringly reliable." · "Notice the moment of letting go."

VARIATIONS - Easier: tiny leans, hands already in contact. - Deeper: a slightly deeper lean — but keep the catcher's hands already in contact throughout. Resist the urge to graduate this into a free backward trust-fall: the drop adds real injury risk and teaches nothing the graduated lean doesn't teach better.

DEBRIEF — "What let you trust the catch? What made you hold back? How did it feel to be the reliable one?"

WATCH FOR — Catcher must be genuinely ready and strong enough; never grow the lean faster than the faller invites. This is a real load — treat it with the load-ladder care of Chapter 4.

PAIRS WITH — The direct on-ramp to Give Me a Pound (#6), The Leaning Tower (#9), and all counterbalance.

R10. The Trust Circle · [Tier ③ Rolling]

Players: 5–10 · Time: 10–15 min · Exposure: high

PURPOSE — The classic group trust practice: one person, eyes closed, is gently supported and passed around a close circle of hands. Builds deep group trust and lets an individual experience being held by the whole collective — the felt sense of a safe container.

SETUP — A tight circle, shoulder-to-shoulder, one person standing in the center. Warm, attentive group. Establish clear consent first.

PLAY 1. Offer the center role by private opt-in — ask before the circle forms, or let people volunteer. Never go round the ring asking each person in turn: in a circle, "nobody is required" is not enough when everyone is watching. 2. "Center person: feet together, body long, eyes closed. Circle: hands up, soft and ready, standing close." 3. Name each catcher by position and have them confirm out loud — "back? … left? … right?" — before the center closes their eyes. Nobody is on their phone, nobody is half-turned away. 4. "Center: let yourself sway gently in any direction. Circle: catch that weight with steady hands and pass it softly across to the other side — like the center is floating on your hands." 5. "Keep it slow, small, and utterly gentle. The center can say 'pause' or 'done' at any moment — and so can anyone in the circle: if any one of us says 'stop,' we all stop instantly, no explanation." 6. One round per person. Catcher fatigue is where this goes wrong, not catcher goodwill. Give each willing person a turn and then move on.

CUES — "Small and slow." · "Many hands, one soft support." · "The center is precious cargo."

VARIATIONS - Easier: smaller sways, tighter circle, hands already in contact with the center. - Deeper: very slightly larger arc of lean (never past easy control).

DEBRIEF — "What was it like to be held by everyone? What was it like to be one of many catchers?"

WATCH FOR — This is the highest-risk relational game in the book, and the risk is diffusion of responsibility: with many catchers, each one feels less responsible, and one distracted person is all it takes. Hence the named ready-check. Keep sways small; protect the center's head and neck; stop instantly on request from anyone. Never run it on a hard floor. Not for a brand-new or rowdy group. And watch the social pressure as carefully as the physical load — a reluctant person talked into the center has already had their boundary overridden before anyone touches them.

PAIRS WITH — Follow the Blob (#17) and group weight-sharing; deepens the whole container before a jam (#24).

Going deeper: non-verbal communication (R11–R12)

R11. Wordless Conversation · [Tier ② Warming]

Players: 2 · Time: 8–10 min · Exposure: medium

PURPOSE — Builds expressive and receptive non-verbal range — the whole channel CI communicates through. Partners hold a "conversation" in gesture, movement, and sound alone, practicing both speaking and listening without words.

SETUP — Pairs facing, some space to move. No touch required.

PLAY 1. "Have a conversation — but with no words. Use gesture, movement, facial expression, and non-language sound (hums, sighs, tones)." 2. "Take turns like real dialogue: one 'speaks' a phrase of movement/sound, the other receives it and 'replies.' Listen before you answer." 3. "Let it have moods — playful, curious, an argument, a reconciliation. Let it be a real exchange, not two monologues." 4. Then: "Let the turns blur — respond while they're still speaking, overlap, find a flow."

CUES — "Receive before you reply." · "Let it have feeling." · "Listen with your whole body."

VARIATIONS - Easier: seated, gesture and face only. - Deeper: whole-body, traveling, building to near-contact — the doorstep of a CI duet.

DEBRIEF — "Were you more comfortable expressing or receiving? What got communicated that words couldn't?"

WATCH FOR — Keep sound non-linguistic (no mouthed words) so the non-verbal channel does the work. Watch for two people 'performing' past each other instead of listening.

PAIRS WITH — The Mirror Hand (#4), Listening Hands (#7), and every duet — this is the CI conversation, minus the weight.

R12. Follow, Lead, Unite · [Tier ③ Rolling]

Players: 2 (then small groups) · Time: 10–12 min · Exposure: medium

PURPOSE — Trains the three non-verbal states every improviser toggles between — following, leading, and co-creating — and, crucially, the fluid unspoken negotiation of who's doing which. This is the meta-skill of CI improvisation, rehearsed without the complication of weight.

SETUP — Pairs, moving through space, no contact (or fingertip contact).

PLAY 1. "Round one — one of you leads the movement, the other follows exactly. Feel what leading and following each ask of you." 2. "Round two — switch, without stopping." 3. "Round three — nobody leads. Co-create: propose and yield moment to moment, so an observer couldn't tell who's driving. This is 'uniting.'" 4. "Now let all three states flow freely — lead, follow, unite — trading silently, by feel alone."

CUES — "Lead clearly; follow completely; unite by feel." · "Trade without a signal." · "Can an outsider tell who's leading? Aim for no."

VARIATIONS - Easier: stay in clear lead/follow rounds; add fingertip contact for clarity. - Deeper: small groups of 3–4 finding collective lead/follow/unite; eyes softer.

DEBRIEF — "Which state was most comfortable — leading, following, or uniting? Could you feel the hand-offs happen without words?"

WATCH FOR — 'Uniting' is the hard one; groups often collapse it back into subtle leading. Name it and let them keep finding the genuine shared state.

PAIRS WITH — The heart of Rolling Point Duets (#12) and Give and Take (#14); the non-verbal grammar of the whole form.

Weaving relational and physical practice together

You don't run all the relational games up front and then "switch to CI." You interleave them — a relational game opens a door, a CI game walks through it, and you return to a relational game when the next door needs opening. Three principles:

1. Front-load the arc, then top up. Spend the early session on Self → Other relational work. Once dancing, drop in a short relational game whenever you re-partner or sense the group closing back down.
2. Match exposure to weight. Before asking for more physical weight, offer more relational trust first. Going to counterbalance with new partners? Run Two Truths in the Body (R6) first.
3. Bookend with words. Open with The Noticing (R1); close with The Appreciation Circle (R8). Words in, words out; the movement lives safely in between.

A relationally-scaffolded session (revised Plan A)

90 min, beginners who are slow to trust — the exact situation this chapter is for.

Notice the shape: nearly every physical game is now preceded by a relational one that prepares the exact trust it needs. That is the whole method — the relational game is the key; the CI game is the door.

→ Next: Chapter 6 — Designing a Session